Introduction
When I was teaching, parent/teacher interviews always made me a bit nervous. Most of the time, these were good conversations–a way to communicate with parents about how their children were doing, and what kinds of things we could do to support their learning. But every once in a while something came up that would catch me off guard – a challenge, a grievance, a worry, a difference of opinion that upped the tension, tears even! So I was always a little on edge.
One particular interview day, I noticed that the next people in line were parents of one of my most talented students. He was doing great academically, he had lots of friends, and he was involved in sports and music. I relaxed a little, assuming this next interview should be a breeze. I started with all my positive accolades about this student. But I could soon tell by the looks on their faces that these parents were not happy. They were not satisfied with their son’s grades. They insisted that I push him harder, and demand higher quality from him. They thought all the extra curricular events he was part of were a distraction. It was turning into one of those interviews that can go sideways pretty quickly! I was shocked, and fumbled around for a response that would get things back on track. But they kept pushing me to “up” my standards. In my mind I am thinking, “this is a grade 7 kid! He doesn’t need that kind of pressure.” Finally, to emphasize how serious they were, they said, “we have a blank spot on the wall at home for his diploma when he graduates and becomes a medical doctor.” Talk about great expectations!
Parents do have expectations of their children. It’s natural. They have hopes and dreams for their child’s potential. As Ryan and I met to explore this story, we wondered what kind of expectations Joseph and Mary had for Jesus, and how Jesus measured up to their expectations. Was it disappointing for Joseph that Jesus didn’t stick with the carpentry trade like his father? Maybe Jesus wasn’t any good at carpentry–you know, that measure twice, cut once, thing. Was he more book smart (scroll smart) and not so good at hands-on tasks?
Joseph’s Dilemma
Before Joseph can even ponder expectations for his son, he has a dilemma on his hands. His journey as a parent gets off to a pretty rocky start.The young woman he is engaged to marry is pregnant. In Joseph’s day there were two steps involved in Jewish marriage practice (see Richard B. Gardner’s, Believers Church Bible Commentary: Matthew, p. 38). First, there was a formal exchange of consent before witnesses. This was a legal marriage and could only be broken by a certificate of divorce. From this point on they were regarded as husband and wife. The second step took place when the groom took the bride to his family home and the two began living together, often a year after the first step. Until then the bride continued to live in her family home. So Mary’s pregnancy appears to be a broken covenant, a breach of Mary’s fidelity.
A strict interpretation of the law in that patriarchal culture would mean that Joseph’s honour and that of Mary’s father have been violated. And Mary should be stoned to death by the men of the town outside her father’s house in order to restore that honour (see Deuteronomy 22: 20-21). We don’t know for sure how strictly laws like this were enforced. What were the expectations of a man in Joseph’s position, and how does he handle them? Should he enforce the law and have Mary killed for her apparent infidelity? Or is there another option in these unexpected and unusual circumstances? The text gives us no sense of how long Joseph considered his options. All it says is, being a righteous man, and not wanting to disgrace Mary publicly, Joseph resolves to break the engagement quietly (v. 19).
His dilemma must still be weighing on his mind, for it shows up in his dreams. This is impacting him on a deeper, more personal, more spiritual level, for Joseph is visited by an angel in his dream. The angel messenger begins with the words, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife” (v. 20). And then assures Joseph that the Holy Spirit is at work in this pregnancy. The child to be born is to be named Jesus–the one who saves–because he will save his people from their sins (v. 21). And then the angel backs it up with a quote from the prophet Isaiah: “a young woman will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us’” (v. 23). It’s enough for Joseph. When he wakes up he does as the angel commands, and takes Mary as his wife. When the child is born he names him Jesus.
This text is short and all so understated! It gives us no description of the awkward conversations that needed to take place as this pregnancy became obvious. None of the drama and emotion we might expect. We can only imagine the turmoil, the tension and what the neighbours had to say.
Context
I suspect the understated nature of this story is intentional. The writer of this gospel has a particular agenda, and family drama isn’t the point. So where is the author directing us to look and pay attention? What is the writer highlighting?
First of all Matthew’s gospel seeks to attach Jesus to the OT. Here the birth story of Jesus comes after an extensive genealogy (three sets of 14 generations) that links Jesus directly to David and Abraham–important leaders from the past–and to the history of their covenant with God. At several points the birth story of Jesus is wrapped in prophecies from the OT Scriptures, all to emphasize that the birth of Jesus fulfills prophetic promises from the past. We hear these fulfillment prophecies ten times in the gospel of Matthew. This is not about abolishing or overriding the old law, but rather fulfilling it–taking it deeper. Taking it to its fullest and most meaningful expression. Making it what it was meant to be.
And there are allusions all over the birth story and the rest of the gospel of Matthew that portray Jesus as the new Moses. For example: the unusual circumstances around their birth and threats to their safety as infants. Jesus’ water baptism echoes Moses’ story of being drawn from the water. Both of them end up in Egypt. They both have wilderness experiences associated with the number 40. Matthew’s gospel is divided into 5 middle sections, like the 5 books of Moses. They both teach their people from a mountain, and so on. Once you start looking for them you find them all over the place. This creates expectations about who Jesus is and what he is about. This loads him up with the hopes of his people from their history.
And second, Matthew is asking us to be open to surprise. There are hints in Matthew’s birth account that this story will not unfold like we might expect. Mary’s pregnancy and how Joseph handles it, of course, is unusual. Before that, this long genealogy of Jesus includes 4 women, which breaks the cultural norm of only including male lineage. And why these women? They are all unconventional characters in the history of their people: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth and Bathsheba.Two at least can be considered outsiders.They all have “obstetrical irregularities,” as Jewish scholar Amy Jill Levine puts it. Their inclusion seems to speak to the need for justice, and protection of the vulnerable (see Matthew’s Unlikely Nativity, Bonnie Klassen, CM, December 2025, 10).
The appearance of Magi, foreigners from the east, is also unusual. Why not have important people from within their own community pay homage to the newborn king? So we are set up early in Matthew’s gospel to look for things that are surprising, unusual and unconventional. We are taught to see the unlikely choices, the unlikely heroes. “The good news of Jesus includes so many improbable people” (CM, 10).
Holding these two things together seems to be important for Matthew: that Jesus is connected to the OT, and seen as the fulfillment of the promises found in those Scriptures, and that something unusual and surprising is happening in and through Jesus. Grounded in their Scripture and tradition, and open to God calling them in new ways, to a new and deeper expression of that faith. “God is not limited by our barriers or conflicts. The question is, are we open to surprises? (CM, 10).
Reading This Text Through the Lens of Peace
Another thing that makes this story unconventional is that, in the midst of all the potential for violence, Jesus’ birth is a message of peace. I would not normally think of this story as one of the “peace texts” in the bible, but pairing it with the Peace candle this year, challenged me to look at it that way. And when we look carefully, Matthew drops a number of clues that help us hear this as a message of peace. First is Joseph’s compassion in how he treats Mary. We see how in a potentially volatile and violent situation, Joseph chooses gentleness. We don’t know what went into his decision. He could have had Mary killed, according to the law, but he makes a different choice that challenges the Scripture and customs of his day. All the text says is that he was a righteous man. Sounds like he was a decent, kind, caring human being. I suspect Joseph wrestles and struggles with the scriptures on this one. Perhaps there was precedence for what Joseph did. Maybe the law wasn’t always interpreted so strictly. Whatever the case, he chooses the path of gentleness, of peace, of compassion, over shame, violence, public humiliation. He owns this. He takes this decision on himself–perhaps even shame and disgust from others. He commits to the marriage, to Mary. And he accepts Jesus. Naming him is an act of claiming him as his own.
Second, Jesus’ name, Yeshua. One who saves. He is named after the military hero Joshua, who succeeded Moses in leading the people out of Egypt and into the promised land. But Jesus is not described as a conquering military hero who will save people from their enemies. Rather he is described as one who will save them from their sin (v 21).
Third, the inbreaking of God as announced by the prophet Isaiah, and echoed here, is in the form of a baby, borne by a poor, young woman. Hardly threatening characters! The promise of Immanuel, God with us, comes not by threat, or intimidation, or coercion, or force or violence. But comes in one who is weak, vulnerable, who needs to be tenderly cared for. This is strange and unusual.
The threats of violence reach far beyond this small family. All the infants in Bethlehem, Jesus included, are at risk when Herod feels threatened by the birth of a new king. The story turns deadly, when Herod reacts with paranoia, fear and panic, and orders the deaths of all babies under 2 after hearing from the Magi that a king was to be born. Joseph, who has taken on fatherhood, becomes the child’s protector–being warned in a dream he takes the family and flees to Egypt. The Magi too are warned in a dream about the threat of danger and wisely return home by another way to avoid a second encounter with Herod.
Over all this looms the threat of violence and oppression from Roman occupation. Only a few years before Jesus was born a revolt against Rome broke out in Galilee. Thousands were crucified, and Sepphoris, the city just north of Nazareth was completely destroyed. So, “Rome was wary of this remote corner of the world. And rebellion is what Rome feared most. Its Tenth Legion kept a watchful eye on [Galilee] the place where previous revolutions had their roots” (Joel Kauffmann, The Nazareth Jesus Knew, p. 45).
Against the backdrop of the threat of violence, this holy family escapes, finds safety, shelter and refuge in Egypt for a time. Years later they will return and settle in Nazareth.This is not a story of standing up to the brute force of Rome, but of protecting the vulnerable. Joseph’s actions will help to create a chance for peace, an enclave, a sanctuary. His choices will help to lay a foundation, help to shape who Jesus would become. Along with Mary, Joseph will help to create the space for the tiny seeds of peace to be planted and to grow in Jesus. Even under a violent regime, this family will read the Scriptures of their people–the word/law finding fertile soil in Jesus’ heart as he grows up. These parents will help to shape a child who will grow into a man who will not be content with a face value reading of his scripture, but insist on going deeper, on finding the heart of the teachings. Jesus will read them, will interpret them, and will live them out as messages of peace. And as we know through his life and ministry Jesus will choose the path of peace over and over again.
We often overlook the significance of Joseph in Jesus’ life. It is likely that they spent a lot of time together, if as tradition goes, Jesus would have apprenticed to be a carpenter–builder like Joseph. Do he and Joseph have debates while they are working in the shop? Did he struggle with his people’s teachings like Joseph did, wrestle with his scriptures? Does he need to argue things through with his parents? Does he wrestle with his own ego, until he is able to choose the path of peace? I suspect much of what Joseph taught Jesus about mending and repairing broken things, about starting with a solid foundation, resonated with Jesus as he began to build a community (a kingdom) of followers around him.
What is the Good News Here?
So with all the OT allusions, all the strangeness of this story, what do we hear? In this relatively short story about the birth of Jesus, and the role of Joseph, I think we are left with at least four affirmations:
Do not be afraid. Many of the characters in the Advent story hear this. Do not be afraid. Joseph hears it. Mary heard it and the shepherds will hear it too. Do not let fear dictate your actions, your response. Do not be afraid to wrestle with your scriptures and your tradition. Do not be afraid to take a different path than the one expected for you. Our bodies respond to fear in a number or predictable ways. Fight. Flight. Freeze, Faun. It’s hard to think of creative alternatives in those moments. Fear can so quickly take over and direct our decisions. So much that is negative, and poisonous and toxic in our culture today is based on fear. So much violence is based on fear of the ‘other’, fear of the unknown. In this story we hear another way. Whatever makes our world sick with fear doesn’t need to have the last word.
Everywhere, there are people working for good. In every age, in every place and circumstance, there are righteous people like Joseph, making choices for compassion, for peace. Violence will not win in the end. It will not be able to build and sustain safer communities. God works through people like Joseph, protecting, sheltering, nurturing, the Prince of Peace.
The Holy Spirit is at work. The baby to be born is God at work, in the miracle and the wonder, and the pain and the messiness. There is something new happening here. Something beginning here. You can’t see it all right now. The Spirit moves, sometimes mysteriously, sometimes in more obvious ways. Sometimes we only see it in hindsight. Like Joseph and Mary, can we simply affirm and trust that the Spirit is at work? In whatever unfolds, the Spirit is making all things new, encouraging, mediating the love of God to us. There is movement here–toward reconciliation, toward wholeness, toward Shalom. In our inner world. Our outer world. Personally and communally.
It’s not going to look like what you expect. Stay alert for the movement of the Spirit because God’s activity rarely unfolds the way we would expect. It rarely unfolds with the characters we would assume are most likely, but rather God finds receptive God-bearers in the unlikely choices. The lowly and the unlikely and the outsiders are part of this story. And the kings and the mighty and the powerful will be shocked to learn that this good news comes by a different road. It shows up in the stable, among the poor, among the animals. Foreigners and outsiders notice first. And the unlikely ones cooperate and say yes. Like Joseph takes Mary to be his wife. Takes on the role of father. Commits to partner with Mary to protect and nurture and raise this child. To give good news a place to develop. Give the child time to grow and learn.
Emmanuel. God is with us. We are never alone. Never. As God has been with us in the past, God is with us still. Whatever image you have of God as a distant, ruler from afar, scary, volatile, punishing, the story of Advent and Christmas affirms over and over again, this is a story of incarnation–of God with us, made known to us in the person of Jesus. We find God here among us in our vulnerabilities, in the volatility of this strange and unpredictable world. In our suffering. In our fear.
Most of us like things managed. Controlled. Predictable. We like to know what to expect and when. We don’t cope well with unlikely and unusual circumstances. But maybe those of us who find ourselves living lives that don’t unfold according to the usual expectations, can take some comfort here. That is where God finds space, finds hospitality, finds a place to be born. The story of Joseph can help us pay attention, help us exercise our curiosity and our wonder muscles.
Like those parents at parent/teacher interviews, our expectations can be heavy. We can be so certain of what we think will happen. Should happen. We can build up a narrative to the point that we can’t imagine or hear anything else. But if Advent teaches us anything, it is to hold our great expectations and assumptions lightly, because God has done, God is doing and God will do abundantly more than we can ask or imagine. AMEN